My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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