she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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