He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
