were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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