it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just high enough for therapy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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