His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize