does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
