new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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