woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
