Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
