yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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