Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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