I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
