did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
