you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
