You work out of a Hotel?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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