My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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