It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
