I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
