the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
