I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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