I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
