I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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