so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
