Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
