every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My pussy is not your playground.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
