Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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