i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
