I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
