Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
