i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
