i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
