Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
