he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
