she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
