how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
