Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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