He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
