its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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