I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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