Even the bartender felt bad for me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
