You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
