Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
