I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
