I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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