Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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