He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
