I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
