My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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