When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
