he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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