Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
