you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
