why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
either way he was missing a nipple.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
