Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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