My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
