I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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