I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
