Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...

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  (631): I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf... http://tfl.nu/qnwa
  Replies (12) Good night (1065) Bad night (3778)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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  (609): The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner. http://tfl.nu/zame
  Replies (6) Good night (1878) Bad night (1218)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."

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  (440): Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole." http://tfl.nu/4d9m
  Replies (10) Good night (3197) Bad night (737)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.

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  (770): Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird. http://tfl.nu/gky6
  Replies (23) Good night (599) Bad night (4360)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.

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  (313): Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch. http://tfl.nu/eota
  Replies (14) Good night (894) Bad night (3324)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.

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  (630): she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers. http://tfl.nu/u7sr
  Replies (9) Good night (1036) Bad night (5342)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario

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  (314): I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario http://tfl.nu/9b6y
  Replies (3) Good night (2174) Bad night (1413)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.

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  (509): You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed. http://tfl.nu/gs8p
  Replies (7) Good night (1335) Bad night (1014)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup

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  (207): I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup http://tfl.nu/gqz1
  Replies (20) Good night (1666) Bad night (670)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?

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  (336): I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/ctqb
  Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (1240)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery

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  (608): Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery http://tfl.nu/z40m
  Replies (7) Good night (655) Bad night (1023)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.

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  (410): I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex. http://tfl.nu/2gjc
  Replies (7) Good night (1289) Bad night (481)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count

  (516): View more from New York

  then nothing in my life counts

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  (860): official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count (516): then nothing in my life counts http://tfl.nu/4fe8
  Replies (8) Good night (1972) Bad night (646)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.

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  (928): i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice. http://tfl.nu/k07n
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?

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  (480): Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds? http://tfl.nu/pa31
  Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (205)

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