Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
