i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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