im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though