I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
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he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word