she looked like the before picture.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?