also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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