my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
