I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize